Where Brokenness and Joy Collide

This past week has been kind of surreal in a way. It is an interesting thing when brokenness and true joy collide. Even the skies have been dark a lot, making it all the more beautiful when the sun shines through.

This week, we have felt brokenness in a number of ways:

Death. Whether it has been death of a loved one, friend, or family member, our team this summer has felt the brokenness that death brings especially this week. Brokenness for ones left behind. The sting of death can be bitter but strangely sweet when it is a brother who is now dancing at the feet of the one his soul loves. This is where brokenness and joy have a strange collision.

Sickness. Lanie and I visited our friend Amanda again yesterday. We try to visit her at least once a week, if not more. This time we brought her some groceries, as is custom in her culture. Once again, she had had a hard day with her very sick and frail mother the day before. Our Father is sweet in his timing. Our very presence in her home blesses her and teaches us so much. However, deep brokenness is felt. She lacks the hope in Truth that we have. She is exhausted. Our heart grows to lover her more and more every time we are with her, but it is also more  broken for her each time.  This is where brokenness and joy collide. 

Lost. A third way we have really felt brokenness this week is through the burden for our friends that are lost and looking for Truth. We long so badly for our friends to share with us in our hope. The fact that they do not causes our hearts to feel deep brokenness. However, we rejoice in the hope we do have and our constant, faithful Father. This is where brokenness and joy collide.

I am challenged by the reflections of Milton Vincent:

"Like nothing else could ever do, the gospel instills in me a heart for the downcast, the poverty-stricken, and those in need of physical mercies, especially when such persons are of the household of faith.

When I see persons who are materially poor, I instantly feel a kinship with them, for they are physically what I was spiritually when my heart was closed to Christ...

The gospel reminds me daily of the spiritual poverty into which I was born and also of the staggering generosity of Christ towards me. Such reminders instill in me both a felt connection to the poor and a desire to show them the same generosity that has been lavished on me. When ministering to the poor with these motivations, I not only preach the gospel to them through word and deed, but I reenact the gospel to my own benefit as well."

A Song of Praise is Fitting.

"Praise the LORD! For it is good to sing praises to our God; for it is pleasant, and a song of praise is fitting."

Psalm 147:1

A song of praise is fitting.

When it has been a long day, a song of praise is fitting.

When I am not feeling up to go out and love and extend myself, a song of praise is fitting.

When my heart is missing home, a song of praise is fitting.

When I'm irritated, a song of praise is fitting.

When it rains and our plans are changed, a song of praise is fitting.

When I'm happy and full of joy, a song of praise is fitting.

When I make new refugee friends, a song of praise is fitting.

When I get invited into a new home, a song of praise is fitting.

When it is easy to sing and be thankful, a song of praise is fitting.

As I grow to love the city I have been placed in for the summer, a song of praise is fitting.

Oh what encouragement and what a challenge this Psalm brings. It brings my focus back to where it needs to be. No matter how high or how low... God is faithful, and a song of praise is fitting.

This past week, an old Iraqi woman pushed a wheelchair full of laundry by. We will call her Amanda. I smiled and noticed how beautiful she was. As she passed back by later, I offered her a cup of water. She smiled and accepted and sat down beside me. Struggling through language barriers, we made conversation. Next thing I knew, my team and I had spent three hours in her home with she and her mother.

Her mother is old and sweet and speaks no English. She is sick and forced to stay at home. She has eight children still living, but Amanda is the only one close and the only one to take care of her. She is lonely. As we left that evening, Amanda urged us to come back. Her mother kept saying something in Arabic, and Amanda told us she was saying that us being in her home made her feel like a mother again.

What a beautiful friendship we have been given, a song of praise is fitting. Please pray for us as we continue to grow our friendship and love our new friends. Pray that our love will be genuine and they would come to know truth.

Burden.

"What is this?" A young Somali girl asked me pointing to my necklace.

"It's a cross!" I answered.

"What is that for?" She questioned.

"It's to remember Jesus who died on the cross for us," I responded.

"I will never believe Jesus is God!" She exclaimed. "Never ever ever ever."

Those words have been ringing in my head all week: "I will never believe Jesus is God! Never ever ever ever."

Here is this young girl who I have grown to love. We go into their home at least twice a week to work on reading and math. She and her siblings are so fun. They each have smiles that light up the room. They love to make up jokes and laugh. They won't let me be greeted or say goodbye without the biggest, most genuine of hugs. Their mother is kind and welcoming. I have truly grown to love this family. Yet the tough reality has begun to set in: they pray to a god who does not hear them. They are devout for a religion that is not truth. They spend hours a day at a school learning and memorizing a Holy Book that is in many ways contrary to the Bible. If they were to die today, I would not see them in eternity. Ouch.

Along with this deep burden, this week has been a really good week. May we not forget our call. We have been invited into homes, mosques, and shared meals around many different tables with many different people this week. It has been so good. However, it must not be taken lightly. Relationships continue to be built and Bible studies continue with our friend, A. There are also more potentials of Bible studies that we will continue to pursue this week. We are bringing light into thick darkness and at times we become weary. But God is faithful. What comfort it brings that he hears us when we call on him!

 

These verses have been constant in my mind and brought much comfort:

2 Timothy 1:7- For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind.

1 John 4:4- little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

Please pray that Bible study continues and that we have open opportunity to share the life saving news of the gospel.

New Normal

"'Once you hit the road, there is no going back to life as it was before.'  How you see God, how you see the world, and how you see yourself is about to change.  Your life will never be normal again, whatever normal means.  Or, hopefully, you will enter into a new normal."

...I read these words in an email soon before this journey started. I could imagine how these words would be manifested in my summer, I could even use past experiences to try to understand what this meant for me, but truthfully, I would never be able to truly understand until I "hit the road."

Distracted.
Distractions have been very real for my team and I this summer. We are still very much fighting the appeal of worldly riches that come with a big city, new friends, and normal every day life. Each day, we must wake up, with our mission for the day strongly branded in our minds. In all honesty, I have not been the most faithful at this every day. However, my prayer is that as I get into the discipline of this this summer, as it becomes the "new normal" every day for the rest of my life.



Tried patience.
We often work long days, we make a lot of new friends and relationships, we go into different communities, we share stories about our father, and we go home. In spite of that, very little fruit has been seen. We may never see fruit this summer or never hear of what fruit came from it. So, we continue to be faithful and rejoice that we do not see everything or know everything. We trust.

Thankful.
Yes, there are distractions. Yes, we have to be patient and trust that God is at work even when we do not see it, but there is so much to be thankful for. One thing to be thankful for is our new friend, A, and her three beautiful children. She does not know the Messiah, but her heart is seeking. We have met her in a time where the newness of living in the US has worn off, her husband has divorced her, and she cannot work. Times are tough. Yet her heart is seeking. We try to study the Word a few times a week together, and there has already been a lot of spiritual warfare. God is good and always faithful. Pray for our friend and her lost and seeking heart.


Finally, brothers, pray for us, that the word of the Lord may speed ahead and be honored, as happened among you, and that we may be delivered from wicked and evil men. For not all have faith. But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one. And we have confidence in the Lord about you, that you are doing and will do the things that we command. May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ.
2 Thessalonians 3:1-5

Surprise Party of Heaven

"Shhhh... It's a surprise! You are invited to..." 

Oh the joys that come with planning a surprise party for a close friend. Everyone knows it's coming EXCEPT the person you are surprising. What a thrilling concept! You plan, you invite all the special people, set up the decorations and details to the t; all this exciting effort put forth just to try to make someone close to you feel as special and loved as they really are. 

Often times, as people walk through seasons that are unsure, I remind them: if we knew how everything was going to be, there would be no reason to trust God. If I had all the answers and knew just how things were going to pan out, what would the purpose of faith and trust in my Heavenly Father be? 

It's like a surprise party. My Heavenly Father- the one who truly knows my heart, my likes and dislikes, ALL my (future and past) successes and failures- is planning something for ME!! With the most tender care and intimate love He teaches, refines, and guides me, as he delicately plans perfect plans uniquely fashioned for me. My response? I frantically run around searching for clarity and "the right thing to do" when He gently whispers, "Fear not, little sheep, don't you remember it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom?" (Luke 12:32). If He were to tell me everything now, the exciting surprise would be ruined and I would have no reason to climb up in his lap and rest, being truly dependent on Him. What an incredible picture?!

For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. 

Psalm 84:11

... I will fulfill to you my promise... For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek m and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:10-13

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust the LORD forever, for the LORD God is an everlasting rock... The path of the righteous is level; you make level the way of the righteous. In the path of your judgements, O LORD, we wait for you; your name and rememberance are the desire of our soul. My would yearns for you in the night; my spirit within me earnestly seeks you. For when your judgements are in the earth, the inhabitants of the world learn righteousness. 

Isaiah 26:3-4,7-9

Abundance

The past several weeks have been a beautiful whirlwind. God has done so much that I cant even begin to share everything that I have had the absolute blessing of being a part of in Northern Tanzania. I was telling one of my friends on our team, Marissa, I needed to update. Jokingly, I said I should just write out all of Luke 9-15, Psalm 84, and Isaiah 61&62! I'm not really going to do that but if you would like a better glimpse into a small part of the last few weeks of my life, I would recommend reading-these powerful passages!

So, if I had to sum up the last few weeks up in one word, it would be this reoccurring theme: ABUNDANCE.

 Every aspect of this trip has revealed the abundance of my Father. Just as a child trusts their daddy to take care of everyone of our needs and wants (especially being a daddy's little girl), so are we to rest in the comfort that our Heavenly Father is taking care of all of our needs.

Psalm 84:11
"For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. NO GOOD THING does he withhold from those who walk uprightly."

Every prayer of expectation, God answers in ABUNDANCE.
Every relationship with our African team, God gives in ABUNDANCE.
Every financial prayer, God answers in ABUNDANCE.
Each American team that has come in, God has put together in ABUNDANCE.

We are so loved. You are so loved, and your heavenly Father desires to give you ABUNDANTLY more than you could as or imagine!

Jon came back to see us in our next village!

My sisters. So thankful to spend my entire time in Africa with these ladies!

The awesome Rainbow City team! So Blessed to serve with them!

Please keep praying! As we go into our last week of camp, and pick up a new team, there are lots of mixed emotions. My heart already aches at the thought of leaving. May our focus be on what God has for us each day! Thank you for all your prayers!

"Where is Your Faith?"

(This was written on June 7)

The other day I read a passage I have read and heard several times. However, God continues to speak in news ways and use his word differently to apply to my life at present. Luke 8: 22-25 talks about when Jesus and his disciples were in a boat and there was a great storm. Jesus was asleep and his disciples became afraid and in a panic woke Jesus up to tell him they were perishing. Jesus, with all power and authority, stands up, rebukes the storm, and tells it to be still. Jesus turned to his disciples and asked them a simple, yet humbling and daunting question: “where is your faith?”

As this week went by, I could not stop hearing that question: “where is your faith?” When the winds and waves start crashing, when I can no longer stand in the power of myself, where will my faith be? Will it be anywhere to be found? When a blind lady comes to my triage station, am I going to write “blind” on the piece of paper and continue to ask what other problems she has, or am I going to stop and explain to her that we cannot do anything to help her, but God brings healing and pray with her right there? What about the next time something else happens? Where will my faith be?

Looking out the triage window

This past week, I was able to meet a man who, when waves were crashing and winds were blowing, his faith was present, and by the grace of God, I had the humbling gift to be part of it:

Jon is in his early twenties and lives in the village of Mureru where we were serving this past week. His father is an alcoholic and beat his children so almost all of them have moved out and fallen into alcoholism themselves. Jon has stayed at home faithfully serving and farming but it has not been successful and his family and their farm is struggling. Somehow he had heard that we were in the village and he came and asked for some people to come to his house to pray over it and his family. We walked about two miles before we arrived at his house where we sat and heard about his family and the grasp that Satan had on them. We were able to lead him, his mom, and his friend in dedicating their lives to the Lord then prayed over them for a while. Jon knew that God was capable of answering prayer. That night, he was filled with the Holy Spirit and his countenance beamed the change that had taken place. 

Jesus had to look at his disciples and ask where their faith was. He’s had to look at me and ask me where my faith was, but, that night, He knew where Jon’s faith was. It was present. It was completely invested and trusting in the ability of God to move and answer prayer.

So I ask you, brother… I ask you, sister… Where is your faith? When waves crash around you and winds blow strong against you, where will your faith be? Will it be present and in Jesus or will it be nowhere to be found?

God is doing so much! He is revealing himself and new ways and showing his incredible power! He has knit this team together in such an amazing way! This team is made up of people from all over: Alaska, Virginia, South Carolina, Alabama, etc. but the bond of Christ has brought us together as brothers and sisters. At the same time, Satan has tried to attack in so many different ways! Please keep praying! Our God is bigger and has already overcome!